Wednesday, 11 September 2019

How to Understand Yourself and Others Better

***spoiler***

Long story short: People's behavior is based on their past experience, personality and beliefs.

Let me explain how this works...

In the shower this morning I had a realization about curiosity and how it has played a part in me experiencing life in a much more positive way than I used to.

I was thinking about when I've had a productive and happy day, and I'm super grateful for a good day because it seemed like a random thing that I had no control over. But did I?

Were there specific things I did that made me have more energy and creativity than usual?

Keeping track or looking back to consider if there were any common ingredients of a happy day lead me to see that the food I ate and how active I was during the day had a direct effect on my mood and productivity.

(Journaling for the win!)

I got to thinking about how else curiosity served me. Well, it made me less judgemental about myself and others.

In the past, when something "bad" was said or done, my immediate response was no longer "this must mean I am a bad person, or they are a bad person" with the belief that it was a deliberate choice to do or say the bad thing.

Now my first thought is: Why did I respond that way, or why did they respond that way?

What happened in the past that made it seem like the reasonable thing to do in that situation?

Was I just doing what had been modeled to me by my parents? Was I triggered by a traumatic event in the past and subconsciously I reacted without thinking it through?

Most people, (including myself for most of my life) don't realize that they only use their conscious mind about 5% of the time, making rational, well thought out decisions.

Almost all of our behavior is based on our subconscious autopilot. I learned this from the NLP Model of Communication, which I refer to as "THE FILTERS OF OUR MIND" I now refer to filters in this way every single day.

Here's how it works:

Our Subconscious Mind is taking in 40 million bits of information every second, it needs a filter to let our conscious mind take in only what is important.

This filter's big name is called The Reticular Activating System, also known as "The RAS."

We can only handle about 7 things on our mind at one time, any more than that and we're overwhelmed and start to shut down, so it's a good thing we have this filter and in future blog posts I'll elaborate as to how you can program your mind to see what you want it to see.

You have control of what the RAS thinks is important to make you consciously aware of. Have you ever bought a red car and then all of a sudden you see red cars everywhere that you didn't notice before? That is The RAS in action.

We take in all this information through our senses, the info then passes through the filters of our mind. The filters are:

  • Past Experience
  • Beliefs
  • Values
  • Personality

After the information passes through our filters,
The filters then delete, distort, and generalize the information,
then it turns into a thought, (about the "important" information the RAS let through)
which produces an emotion,
which also has a physiological response (the body reacts too)
and results in behavior (both words and actions.)

This all happens almost instantly.



Knowing this information has helped me understand myself and others so much better.

People with trauma in their past (which means all of us at some point) get triggered by some information coming in though their senses (that happened at the same time as their trauma) and so their knee-jerk reaction is sometimes drastic and misunderstood by others.

It often confuses the person it happens to, because they don't consciously remember their trauma or know what their triggers are, all they know is that all of a sudden they feel out of control of how they feel and respond.

The reason why this is, is because the body (which is our subconscious mind) always remembers.

The electrical charge of the trauma is stuck in the bubble of emotion that gets trapped in the body when its not allowed to be felt or processed at the time, or if it wasn't safe as a child to express feelings.

All of this stuck emotion in the body can lead to mental health issues and unexplained physical health issues.

The good news is that Hypnotherapy is a way to guide a client to access their Subconscious Mind and without re-living the trauma.

Hypnotherapy can comfortably pop those bubbles of emotion, releasing the electrical charge and leaving the mind and body feeling lighter and happier. That is why I can guarantee you'll feel better after a session with me, if you follow the directions I give.

You'll be in complete control the whole time, will be having a conversation with me in a relaxed state of mind and body and be able to remember everything when you wake up.

All changes made in your mindset will be done by you, I am only like a tour guide showing you where to look and how to feel relaxed. You can't be hypnotized unless you choose to be (or choose to sit under preaching lol, but that's a discussion for another day)

A lot of the time my clients do not consciously remember their trauma, which is causing the behavior or physical reaction like phobias, panic attacks, angry outbursts, uncontrollable crying from sadness or the heaviness of guilt, causing them to find distraction and addiction.

You'd be surprised how many people have blocked out their childhood from their memory, that is the Subconscious Mind's way of keeping them safe.

The primary purpose of it is to keep you safe, which is why our coping mechanisms we needed in childhood, may still be on autopilot as adults, not serving you anymore, and it's a quick and comfortable fix with Hypnotherapy.

Accessing your Subconscious Mind, through an online Hypnotherapy session with me, you will be able to neutralize the electrical charge that was trapped, causing the emotions that are weighing you down to be released, and therefore your physical response (like a panic attack) would no longer happen.

Back to the topic of Curiosity. The most life-changing thing for me is to be curious about my own thoughts instead of judging or resisting them.

I used to think my thoughts were me. I'd attach to them and feel guilty for even having them.

Once I was introduced to the concept that thoughts and emotions were not me (through meditation, watching my thoughts go by and returning to focusing on my breathing) it was a complete transformation in how I viewed the world.

Did you know that thoughts and emotions only have a very short life span (around 90 seconds) if we do not attach to them and believe them?

If we either don't pay it any attention or give it any energy, if we just notice that there is a passing thought there and return to focusing on our breathing in the moment, it just doesn't bother you for long.

Once I learned that, I knew that I had the power to choose a new thought or belief that I wanted to replace the old one. I just said CANCEL. And then said the new belief that I wanted. I spoke my truth instead of the one I was programmed with.

The guilt was gone because I then knew that the thought was not me, it was just passing through from a past experience, a belief I had formed after trauma, that was most likely not true.

Resisting a thought makes it grow stronger, so the practice of returning to the breath and allowing the thought to pass through, to feel it without attaching to it, made life way easier.

No wonder successful people attribute meditation as being an essential part of their life!

I am a sensitive person and I used to take everything personally that others said about me, but now I've realized that other people's opinions have zero to do with me and everything to do with their filters.

Letting others be the way they are, without feeling the need to correct them if my filters happen to be different - THAT is freeing. There's no way to change someone else's filters anyway, so why waste energy on it? Even as a Hypnotherapist, I do not have the ability to change someone else's mind.

All changes can only be made by you. I am only the guide. I've helped a lot of people feel better emotionally and shift a limiting belief to a more beneficial belief that the client would rather have.

Lets get you feeling better today, I look forward to connecting with you.

~ Chantelle

www.mindfulregeneration.com


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